by Muhammad Mohsin Iqbal
In the heart of every mother lies a unique strength, which becomes even more profound when her child differs from the norm. The boundless love of a mother is tested daily when raising a special child, particularly in a society like Pakistan’s, where this love encounters daily challenges that are hard for others to understand. These mothers often endure the harshness of an unsympathetic world with minimal support from those who should be their strongest allies.
Pakistan’s societal structure is deeply rooted in family values, with the joint family system being common and relatives typically close-knit. Yet, for the mother of a special child, this support network often fades away when she needs it most. The journey begins with the initial diagnosis, a moment that shatters the dreams and expectations parents have for their child. The news is frequently met with disbelief, denial, and even shame from extended family members. Instead of rallying to support the mother, offering emotional and practical help, relatives often withdraw, driven by fear, ignorance, or stigma surrounding disability.
Special children exhibit a pure, selfless love, untainted by deception, greed, or concerns about inheritance. They rely solely on their parents for care and affection. However, some parents hesitate to introduce their special children to others or enroll them in specialized centers due to fear and societal pressure. A renowned neurosurgeon, moved by meeting parents of special children, once expressed that Allah entrusts special children to special parents. He shared with the tears in his eyes that he himself had a special child who remained hyperactive despite global treatments, revealing the deep emotional connection and challenges faced by these parents.
Cultural norms in Pakistan emphasize social appearances and societal expectations. A child with special characteristics is often seen as a misfortune or punishment, isolating the mother further. She becomes the subject of whispers, pity, or blame. Relatives who should offer help and support may instead avoid acknowledging the child, refuse visits, or suggest that the mother is at fault for the condition.
Caring for a special child demands extraordinary patience, resilience, and energy. These children have complex medical, emotional, and educational needs that require constant attention. In a country where quality healthcare, specialized education, and support services are limited, the burden falls squarely on the mother. She must navigate a healthcare system ill-equipped to handle special needs, facing unqualified doctors, inadequate facilities, and unclear guidance.
The struggles and emotions of parents with special children are profound. Mothers sometimes pray that their children will leave this world before them, fearing for their child’s well-being after they are gone. This anxiety is exacerbated by the lack of support from relatives, who often show little interest in the child’s future. Fathers sometimes also show extraordinary dedication to his special daughter, taking on responsibilities typically managed by the mother, especially during illness of his wife.
The financial strain on these mothers is another overlooked aspect. Raising a special child demands significant resources for medical care, therapies, specialized equipment, and education. Many mothers must choose between working to support their family and staying home to care for their child. Finding a job that accommodates the needs of a special child is nearly impossible, forcing many mothers into financial dependency and further isolating them.
Despite these challenges, mothers of special children in Pakistan persevere, driven by their love for their child. Their emotional toll is immense, often leading to depression and anxiety, but mental health care is scarce and stigmatized. These mothers are expected to bear their burdens with a smile, embodying selfless love and sacrifice without acknowledgment of the toll it takes on them.
The lack of consistent support from family is perhaps the most painful aspect of their struggle. While friends and neighbors might offer occasional help, the absence of consistent familial support leaves these mothers alone in their journey, burdened by joys and sorrows that come with raising a special child. The bond between a mother and her child is profound, but it requires family support to flourish. Without it, the burden becomes too heavy for one person to bear.
Even amidst overwhelming adversity, these mothers continue to fight for their children. They become advocates, warriors, and protectors, striving for better care, education, and futures for their special children. They challenge a society that often sees their child as less than human with a strength that is truly remarkable.
The resilience of these mothers highlights the power of love. They show that every child, regardless of their abilities, deserves love, care, and support. Their fight is not just for their children but for all special children in Pakistan, who deserve to be seen and valued. For this fight to succeed, society and family members must change. They need to offer support, not shun; love, not judge; and stand by these mothers, who are performing the most important job in the world. Without this support, mothers of special children in Pakistan will continue to suffer in silence, their strength unmatched but their pain unacknowledged.
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